A Little Collection of Light Verse

by Scott Emmons
illustrated by Chris Harding

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The Bible

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David and Goliath



David was a shepherd boy,
By nature cool and calm.
A talented musician
And a wizard with a psalm.
For a shepherd hasn't much to do
But pluck his lyre and sing.
But deep inside, the kid was tough.
A scrappy youth who had the stuff
To be a future king.

In a valley known as Elah,
In the reign of old King Saul,
A rowdy band of Philistines
Was spoiling for a brawl.
They chose themselves a champion
Of huge and hulking frame.
A great gorilla of a man
Who stood six cubits and a span.
Goliath was his name.

Each morning after reveille
Goliath took the field,
Resplendent in his armor
And his flashy brazen shield.
He shouted to the Israelites,
"This war's as good as won!
You might as well surrender now.
We're gonna cream you anyhow,
So why not have some fun?

"Send out your biggest, baddest dude,
The toughest guy you've got.
If he can kick my heathen ass,
We'll buckle on the spot!
But supposing I should waste him
(And I kinda think I will),
We Philistines will own your tails.
You'll tote our barges, lift our bales.
I think you know the drill!"

Now David had three brothers
Who were serving in the ranks.
He'd bring them brisket sandwiches
and sometimes kosher franks.
And when one day he overheard
Goliath's daily jeer,
He said, "This turkey just may be
My ticket to the monarchy.
I think I'll volunteer."

"You must be nuts!" the king exclaimed
When David made his pitch.
"The guy's a human wrecking ball.
You'll surely be his bitch!"
"With due respect," the shepherd said,
"I beg to disagree.
I've rescued sheep from lions' claws
And even bears' voracious jaws.
I'll trounce this S.O.B.!"

"It's worth a shot," the king replied.
"Who knows, you may prevail.
Let's scare you up a helmet
And perhaps a coat of mail."
"I think I'll skip the metal duds,"
The shepherd boldly said.
"I only need my trusty sling
And one good stone that I can fling
To kill the sucker dead."

And next the boy was on the field
Advancing toward the giant.
His face was grim, his jaw was set,
His attitude defiant.
And when, from the opposing side,
The Philistine drew near,
The brutish and barbaric thug
Had pure amazement on his mug,
Compounded with a sneer.

"By Dagon and Beelzebub!"
Exclaimed the man of war.
"I've never seen a pinworm
On the battlefield before!
I'll make you wish you'd stayed at home
To tend your mangy herds.
By all the gods of land and sea,
Your wimpy corpse is gonna be
A snack for dogs and birds!"

Then David shouted, "In your dreams,
You troglodytic putz!
The one true God is on my side.
He'll smite your idols' butts!
And me, I've got a hankering
To lay your carcass flat.
Get ready to be pulverized.
I'm guessing you're uncircumcised,
But I'll take care of that!

He then picked up a rounded stone
Of modest weight and size,
And taking aim, he flung it
Right between the giant's eyes.
And when he'd fallen in the dust,
Bold David grabbed his sword,
And making sure his foe was dead,
Hacked off his huge and oozing head,
In service of the Lord.

And so the Bible teaches
That the humble and the meek
Can overcome the mighty
With a little pluck and cheek.
The tale may be historical;
Perhaps it's allegory.
The little shepherd with his sling
Became a legendary king.
But that's another story.







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All written content on this site ©2002-2003 Scott W. Emmons